Instantly Regret Eating Instant Regret Peanut Butter

If you’ve ever had thai food, chances are that you’ve had what can effectively be called a hot peanut butter. Spice and nuts aren’t unheard of, but a company may have reached unknown limits of mankind’s will when it crafted Instant Regret Peanut Butter. You may have had the usual assortment of peanut butter, but you’ve never had a peanut butter that’s made you sweat.

It’s with great pride (and no little terror) that we bring you the Instant Regret Peanut Butter, following on from recent Instant Regret favourites VodkaHot Sauce and Chocolate, this time even the peanuts are angry.

We’ve gone straight to the top and recruited the (relative) ruler of the chilli jungle, the King Naga chilli. We start by milking every last drop of capsaicin from the chillies, which we combine with the finest peanuts money can buy. Throw in a little oil, some seasoning, and a dash of Habanero chilli extract just for good measure. Then we butter it up.

This Firebox exclusive continues our reign of tasty terror, combining a classic spread with the heat of a thousand burning suns. Measuring an absolutely mental 12 million SHU on the Scoville Scale, it’s not your everyday spread.

What’s better than it’s initial description is the assorted warnings that follow.

Please Note:

  • HONESTLY, THIS REALLY IS HOTTER THAN WE EXPECTED. IT’S REALLY, REALLY HOT.
  • CAUTION: Hot Sauce contains extreme quantities of chilli and is not suitable for children, pets or the elderly.
  • CAUTION: Do not put in direct contact with eyes or downstairs area, and wash hands after handling.
  • CAUTION: This sauce has been made in a factory that regularly uses tree nuts and peanuts, although that’ll be the least of your worries once you try some.
  • DO NOT go overboard. Test your tolerance; otherwise you may ruin your BBQ.
  • DO NOT Give to unsuspecting people without warning, even if you don’t like them.
  • DO NOT Consume while driving or operating heavy machinery… or any machinery.
  • DO NOT Consume if you have a history of heart problems, chilli terror or any other concerns about spicy food.
  • DO NOT Consume without handy supplies of milk, yoghurt and other cooling food substances.
  • DO NOT Place on sensitive areas of unsuspecting people’s bodies.
  • Not suitable for children or persons under the age of 16… or over 16 for that matter.
  • OK, so you might be able to buy finer peanuts, but not many.

As a lover of both peanut butter and hot stuff, I cannot wait to try this out.